PREPARING for the Meeting of the Minds….

Here’s for more details….Prepare, Propose & Plan.

Prepare:  This is your time to be with your child’s teacher…to start building a collaborative relationship with him or her, and to find out things about your child that you do not know. Prior to the conference is a great time to articulate your goals and have the “end in mind.” If you haven’t done so already, make sure you review your child’s work, grades, and progress reports.  There is little need in wasting time in the conference to go over information to which you already have access.  Also, by reviewing your child’s homework, tests, and the ways in which the teacher provides feedback (e.g. notes in the margins, number grades on the top of the sheet) you can help you get a better sense of the teacher’s expectations – both what is stated, and what is actually happening.  In addition, continue speaking with your child about what s/he is experiencing in school.  It’s worthwhile to get a better sense of your child’s interpretation of how s/he is doing, including what her strengths and needs are.  Questions you may want to ask your child prior to the conference include:

• Do you think your grades reflect how much effort you put into your school work?
• Is there anyone in school with whom you feel you can get your best work done?  Not necessarily your best friends – but a student you get paired up with, and end up working well with?
• What are some things the teacher (who you will be meeting) does that you wish she did even more often?
• What’s one thing that the teacher doesn’t know about you that you wish that s/he did?

Prepare Your Agenda: Take advantage of this opportunity to serve as a role model for your child about what it looks like to be proactive. Although your child may not explicitly express it, he or she is watching you.  The conference is after all about your child!  The very nature of the event has piqued his or her interest.  At the same time, few children want to feel as if they are being “managed” by their parents or their teachers.  The most important thing is to show your child that you have devised a list of questions and topics that you want to discuss with the teacher.  Whether to show the actual list of questions and topics is up to you.  Possible questions and topics include:

• Progress:  What have you noticed my child getting better at?  How is he or she doing compared to the rest of the class?  Is he or she performing at grade level (and how do you determine what it means to be “at grade level”)?
• Social Learning:  Is my child confident and friendly with other children?  Since you see him/her in school, could you please share with me examples of his social skills in school?  Does my child work best in a large or small group? Is there anyone in the class who you would recommend that we invite to our house for a playdate….who seems to be a positive influence on my child?
• Reading: What reading skills are stressed in your class?  At this school?  How do you present reading assignments to all the students?  What is my child expected to do?  My child loves when I read to her at home (not to mention that it helps with vocabulary development and reading fluency….not matter what the age of the child!), do you do that in class? If there was one thing you wanted me to work on with my child at home in regards to reading, what would it be?  Do you have any explicit strategies in mind that I could use to help my child with that aspect of reading?
• Writing:  What writing skills are stressed in your class?  At this school?  What is my child expected to do in terms of sharing her ideas, organizing her thoughts, writing clearly for an audience, following the rules of grammar, etc?
• Strengths & Interests:  Tell the teacher what you think your child is good at, and back this up with a story or example.  Also, mention 1-3 of your child’s core interests.  Be brief, as teachers may zone out and even dismiss what you have to say if you come across as someone who just shows off about your child.  At the same time, do not dismiss the importance of sharing your child’s strengths and interests with the teacher.  You are presented with a wonderful opportunity to strengthen (or if need be alter!) the perception that the teacher has of your child.
• The teacher:  Everyone needs a little praise & recognition.  Teachers (and moms & dads!) expend time, energy and even their own money thinking through and learning about ways to support your child.  Tell the teacher something specific you like about her class…about the ways she and/or the curriculum supports your child in ways that you love (e.g. in becoming more responsible, even more curious, goal-oriented, enthusiastic) – even if your inclined to “not like” this teacher, to resent him or her for something s/he is (or is not doing) for your child.  A+ if you share an exact comment from your child.  The descriptive praise will nestle itself into the heart and mind of the teacher, prompting her to do it even more often. By you sharing such a positive comment you may also be offering the teacher “just the energy boost” she needs at the time too!

So, there you go.  A bunch of ideas for questions and topics to initiate at the conference.  You may want to go through the list, circle your favorites – or at least the ones that make the most sense to you and your child’s experiences and needs in school (and at home) right now.  Let me know, too, if you have others to share with more parents – ones that have worked for you..in gaining more insights about your child at school, usable tips from the teacher for what you can do at home, and most of all, more fertile ground on which to build an ongoing, collaborative relationship with another key educator in your child’s life: the school teacher.

Next up – Propose & Plan.

Are YOU afraid of your own shadow too?

“You got to be tough or the world will get you.”

“You got to be tough or the world will get you.”

I grew up hearing those words from my father over and over again.  He’s a man of sayings.  There was the lighthearted one, “you’re alright, half left, but all right;” the thankful one, “great meal Leanne” and the pragmatic one, “I’m not cheap; I’m frugal.”  Whether we were alone in the car or with friends at a dinner party, my father found a way to interject one of his mantras into the conversation.  Just after my first daughter’s birth, I overheard my dad talking to our newborn by the bedroom window, rocking the crying baby to sleep in his arms.  “You got to be tough,” he started.  I knew what was coming next, and stood at the doorway, astounded by his persistence.

“You got to be tough or the world will get you.” What does that mean anyway!?  To my dad, it means that you’ve got to survive the world no matter what it throws at you.  My father lost his parents when he was fifteen years-old.  He was in the backseat of the car when it was struck by a drunk driver – so were his twin brother and younger sister, Suzanne.  His mom died on the spot, and his father died soon after of heartbreak – the moment when he asked about the status of his wife, and a doctor answered honestly.  “You got to be tough,” he learned – and sought to cement that point into the brains of his children over and over again.

While I don’t full heartedly embrace my dad’s tough-mantra, I can’t help but hear it when I run into difficult situations.  On the surface, the saying is empty and crass – devoid of context and dismissive of healthy alternatives for moving through emotionally taxing experiences.  But I didn’t critique the saying as a child.  My siblings and I simply heard it – again and again.   We never learned to analyze it; that would have been like analyzing my dad’s arm.  His sayings were a part of him – an appendage to life.

When is it acceptable to stop and think about what we hear over and over again?  How do we best do this, especially in terms of our own, inner dialogue?  Humans talk to themselves, and that inner speech is a powerful tool of self-control.  Negative self-talk such as “I’m never going to finish this” or “no one ever helps me” can stop someone in her tracks, preventing her from reaching a dream.  Positive talk, on the other hand, can free someone of undue obstacles, offering her an open door into a promising possibility.  Psychologists and educators alike have created ways to help people observe and take charge of their self-talk.  My father has never had the privilege of working with someone to guide him in this process.  I wonder what such a self-talk coach would say to him.  What would you ask him?

Being “tough” is my father’s way of being optimistic, but not naïve.  You have to know my father to know that he’s not just about “toughing it out.” He seeks support and talks through his emotionally taxing situations with friends and family.  He is one of the sweetest people I know.  But he’s acquired this saying that he repeats again and again – and, for better or worse, allows him to get through whatever it is that is standing in his way.  He recently bought a bike, pedals the few blocks to my sister’s house, and plays with his grandkids in Virginia each day.  He just walked a half marathon, and sent pictures of himself in the paper to all his four children.  He was beaming with pride.  His favorite saying might not capture all there is to know about my father’s zest for life, but it does remind me of something extremely important about parents: they, too, talk to themselves and that self-talk lives on in their children.

So, what is it that you say to yourself over and over again?

Work “Smharder!”

Last weekend Dr. Karla and I had a slight, I wouldn’t say disagreement, more like a differing perspective on the popular, well-worn saying, “you have to work smarter, not harder.”

I must say that I am guilty of too-often forgetting that most people do not have my experience and area of expertise, which precipitated the “disagreement.”  Not that Dr. K doesn’t (she does), I mean non-educators.

The offending article was from the Atlantic Monthly about what makes great teachers, the “work smarter, not harder” quote was from a successful teacher to his class.  Before I begin my explanation let me say that Dr. K is right, we DO have to work smarter and students need to know that often there “is a better way,” and doing poorly usually is not a product of inability.

I agree 100% on the “work smarter” part of the quote.  I’m stumbling my way through setting up and improving our school websites right now.  I know that “there’s an easier way, I just have to find it.” (I have that quote taped to my computer screen)   My last conversation with our web designer confirmed this.  She laughed and, after showing me the easier ways, said that I’ll be a pro before too long.

Kids DO have to be told that there is an easier, smarter way–and great teachers show them.

I take umbrage with saying because of the “not harder” part.  As I said, I understand the point of the saying but rail against the cliche for the sole fact that we MUST work, and work hard, usually harder than we are working now to progress and succeed.

I say we have to work both Smarter and Harder.

Great teachers show us how to work smarter, how to get results faster, and how to use effective strategies and tactics we don’t know about.   We students have a responsibility to also work harder to implement their advice.

“Hard (& Smart) Work ALWAYS Beats Talent
When Talent Refuses to Work Hard”

Be sure to read Dr. Karla’s blog entry about one of her father’s favorite sayings…

Let’s Talk About Food Part 1

Let’s Talk About Food pt. 1

Today we’re going to talk about a delicious subject–food. I know, “now you’re talkin’.”

Our Bootcamp classes are all about “ramping up” your metabolism, burning fat, building lean muscle mass and cardiovascular health.  But we need to fuel our activity properly…

…Yes, FOOD IS FUEL.

Let me relate a story from late great motivational speaker Jim Rohn about his friend who owned a racehorse, an exceedingly beautiful animal.  This horse was kept on the strictest of diets.  Everything that the horse ate was closely monitored and kept within certain limits to insure he raced at his peak.  The pinnacle of health and fitness…

…But you should have seen the owner.  He could barely walk up the stairs at the racetrack without being out of breath and having to sit down immediately.  He ate like he was purposely trying to kill himself through food.

That’s called a Disconnect.

Aren’t our bodies worth MORE than a racehorse’s?  (at least to us)

Over the years I’ve gotten to know my eyebrows to the hair with all the eye-rolling I’ve done hearing about fad diets and ridiculous weight-loss schemes disguised as healthy eating.  I also have scars on my tongue from all the biting of it I’ve done to keep from screaming at people.

In this and the following letters, you might find nothing new under the sun (or you just might).  But getting you to follow-through on the wisdom of the ages takes some repetitive pounding over the noggin’ for it to sink in.

Let’s start with the Big Picture and move on from there.

If weight-loss is your primary goal you must memorize and follow the Iron Law of Weight Loss:  you must burn more calories than you take in (over time).  Weight Loss and weight control is not about fad diets; it is about energy.  There is no way around this.  More calories burned than calories consumed equals weight-loss.

The Energy Equation

Weight Loss: Calories burned > Calories consumed
Weight Maintenance:  Calories burned = Calories consumed
Weight Gain: Calories burned < Calories consumed

I like to put the principle a bit bluntly if not a little un-PC,”There are no Overweight POW’s.”  Obviously, longtime prisoners of war are put on severe calorie-restrictions with no chance to cheat on their diets.  They ALL lose weight, No Excuses.  Now of course just because POW’s lose weight doesn’t mean they are at all healthy.  Exactly the opposite.  Starvation isn’t good for anyone, this includes insane starvation diets!

So this is Rule #1.

Yes, Rule #2 is to refer to Rule #1!

What this means for you my Bootcamper….

Simple, though not easy.

You MUST learn how to count your daily caloric intake and discipline yourself to do it on a regular basis.  Everything starts here.

Fortunately for you Dr. Karla and I are on the verge of having a fantastic resource that will help you available soon.

In the meantime, DO THIS.

1.  Write down everything you eat. (EVERYthing)
2.  Check the package, or go to mypyramid.gov for calorie estimates
3.  Total it up.

Sure this doesn’t mean much without your Daily Caloric Target.  I’ll get that to you shortly, but for now use this estimate:

Weight Loss:        12 to 13 calories per pound of bodyweight

Weight Gain:        18 to 19 calories per pound of bodyweight

Weight Maintenance:  15 to 16 calories per pound of bodyweight

Example:  A 182 pound person who wants to lose weight would require 2,184 calories each day  (182 x 12 = 2, 184).

This should give you some GOOD HABITS to develop and get you started.

I (too) Have a Dream

I (too) Have a Dream

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a national holiday, celebrating the freedom of opportunity and civil equality of all people.  MLK Day is a BIG Deal in Chicago, my hometown.  In fact, every year at our Speech Contests there was at least one I Have a Dream Speech.  I’ve heard this speech more than any other and its message of FREEDOM resonates with me to this day.  I just watched it on YouTube again, as I do every year this day.

I too have a dream of Freedom.  My dream is to free as many people as I possibly can from the bonds of Negativity, Failure and Despair. Not Institutional Oppression, like Dr. King, but Personal, and at times Self-Inflicted, Oppression.

My vehicle is not the National Stage, but through my martial arts classes, a more intimate environment but a powerful platform nonetheless.  It is not one grandiose speech but daily, consistent short speeches to our students and parents.  The kind of speeches that do more than inspire, through constant repetition they move students to ACT in countless small ways that make a Big Difference in their lives over time.

Based on the boxes of letters I’ve received over the years, I’d say my dream too has become and is becoming a reality each day.

But my work is not done. Far from it.

I have a dream to free AS MANY PEOPLE AS I POSSIBLY CAN from the bonds of Negativity, Failure and Despair and to live a GOOD LIFE FULL OF PURPOSE.

For that, I need your help.

My Dream is to help others fulfill THEIR Dreams, however big or small, so if you know anyone who would benefit from fulfilling their dreams and living a Good Life Full of Purpose through our martial arts programs, please invite them to come talk to me.

Thank you Dr. King.

There’s NO Time…

There’s NO Time…

Welcome to the last (short) Week of classes for 2009.  We are open today and tomorrow, then the academy will be closed for the holidays, reopening on Monday Jan. 4th.

The Amazing Race

Friday night I read Siena the book Snowmen at Night, about what snowmen do when you are sleeping and not around.